the honest blonde
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let it out

“The secret of it all, is to write in the gush, the throb, the flood, of the moment – to put things down without deliberation – without worrying about their style – without waiting for a fit time or place. By writing at the instant the very heartbeat of life is caught.”
— walt whitman

This conversation is about hate....and also about love

Without anymore hesitation, I need to address the recent hate crime in Orlando, Florida. 

When asked about this tragedy, wether it be co-workers, family or close friends, I am left momentarily speechless.

My eyes dart across space, searching for words, images, placement of thought to articulate the feelings of frustration and devastation we are all familiar with.  I have talked to a few people about the tragedy and eventually words follow the shock.

 We share a dialogue spanning topics of gun control, politics, mental health, video game violence and the insane and deranged individuals who can easily obtain instruments of war far too easily and mostly of the vexation that burns on our tongues. We are witness to undigestible events in our society, tragedies that happen within our own walls, not terrorism, but hate brewing from within. We cannot blame this crime on the outsiders, it happened right here, in our local neighborhood. I keep going over the many layers of this event. I am trying to find answers within our government...questioning our laws, our safety in society, our freedom to speech, our freedom to love and to express.  Is the problem within that individual who hasn't been loved or hasn't learned to become self-sufficient within their adulthood?  They are hate crimes, stemming from within themselves. It terrifies me that such evil can be held captive within one man's beating heart.  It reminds me to love harder than before, to drive out the darkness with the best combat, the brilliance of positive actions. It reminds me that we can allow hate to overflow us, and that eventually it can break its silence in the most brutal of ways.

I don't know much about the shooter in this incident.  I promise to not read about the killer, I find him irrelevant in this conversation.  I have been versing myself with the familiarity of the faces of the lives who were robbed out of self-loathing and fear. I refuse to absorb the media's advertising of hate and instead promise to honor those incredible people who were out loving and celebrating their lives freely. I don't understand the prodigal resources spent on the fame of the killer's of such crimes.  "If it bleeds, let it lead." I will never understand this. But we consume it as if it's the morning weather. We need to re-evaluate our digestion of news, for me, it is not sitting well.  I  acknowledge the event but instead talk about the faces and impact each lost soul has left us with. I know their are a few news sources and communities doing this, I commend their work.  

 There are choices we make everyday, about the people we let into our lives and the ones we treat with either respect or disregard. Every decision has an impact. Choose wisely, act consciously. Hate crimes are a part of our human existence but they can be deterred with the search and discovery of understanding and common ground in our communities...both locally and abroad. 

I do have hope that this country can shift their perspective right now.  In honor of the 50 people who lost their lives senselessly, in remembrance of the prisoners of war, refugees around the world, and the hate cast onto lives through the smallness of the vengeful minds, there is a need to be aware of our impact. We each hold power, may we never forget that. 

I have friends who have battled alcoholism, family members who have lost their reality and eventually their lives because of addiction, some who have battled bipolar disorder and depression and I know people who have overcome disease and  the loss of a child and been able to love deeper than I could ever imagine them to. Tragedy and illness are inevitable. There are ways to combat our own demons though. I believe we can do that through conversation, treatment, and self reflection. I hope to never see an event like the one in Orlando happen again. Unfortunately I know that is a sallow dream. 

We are fragile and connected through symbiotic light. Fragments of each other reside in layers beyond skin and bones. We also share the same blood, the same nerves and follicles. We are made of one another and meant to co-habituate, to mate, touch, share and learn to understand one another, There is no denying our connection, our profound sight that leads us to love, friendship and self-discovery, we help each other grow.

I need to acknowledge for a moment the intensity and importance of having one another to help us on this journey. We can lean on another without being co- dependent, we can give each other advice without crushing spirits and we have the ability to make, build, create and interpret science, art and information. Together.  

There is U and I in Humanity.

We make up this complicated pattern of nature and organs, we breathe the same air, cleanse with the same water, eat the same roots and love the same landscapes. Near and far we are all one. Simplifying the lineage and deconstructing our past will help us to build something strong and fortified. I want to be a part of that growth, the future, the good, the delicious, the striking and the epic. Share yourself with the world, the good and the bad.  Be honest, be real, be kind, be good. Freedom, for some, is a state of mind, lets get those who are stuck back in the game, the oppressed to find speech and the suffering to find peace.

This conversation is about hate and also about love.  We must seek self-love first. I believe it can change lives.